Raising a Son in America as a Woman: A Complex Balancing Act

Raising a son in America as a woman is a constant exercise in duality. It’s about instilling kindness while preparing him for a world that often mistakes softness for weakness. It’s about teaching him to respect boundaries while ensuring he knows how to hold his own. It’s about navigating the tension between allowing him to embrace vulnerability and ensuring he’s equipped to handle a culture that still tries to tell boys they shouldn’t cry.

As a feminist, I’ve spent my life advocating for equity, for women’s rights, for dismantling toxic masculinity. And now, I’m raising a boy who will grow into a man in a society that too often praises aggression while punishing empathy. I want him to be strong, but not at the cost of his gentleness. I want him to take up space, but not in a way that diminishes others.

Breaking the Cycle

For generations, boys have been taught to “man up,” to suppress their emotions, to avoid anything that might be considered “soft” or “girly.” That conditioning doesn’t just harm women—it harms men, too. It strips them of emotional intelligence, making it harder for them to express themselves, build meaningful relationships, and process life’s inevitable struggles in healthy ways.

I refuse to pass that legacy down. I tell my son that all emotions are valid. That crying isn’t weak. That anger is just as normal as sadness, but it has to be handled with care. That power isn’t about controlling others but about understanding oneself.

Teaching Consent and Respect

One of the most important things I can teach my son is respect—not just for women, but for everyone. In a world where entitlement is often rewarded, I want him to understand that no one owes him anything. That “no” means no. That respect is about actions, not just words.

I model this by respecting his own autonomy. I don’t force him to hug people if he doesn’t want to. I teach him to recognize his own boundaries, because kids who grow up understanding their own comfort levels are more likely to respect the boundaries of others.

Navigating Male Privilege

This is where the conversation gets tricky. My son, no matter how kind and empathetic he becomes, will still be granted privileges I was not. He won’t have to carry his keys like a weapon walking to his car. He won’t have to second-guess whether a “friendly” interaction is actually a threat. He won’t be dismissed in boardrooms simply because of his gender.

So I make sure he knows this. I teach him about fairness, about equity, about using his voice to amplify those who are silenced. I remind him that the goal isn’t guilt—it’s awareness.

Letting Him Be a Kid

In all of this, I also remind myself that he is, first and foremost, a child. He deserves to play, to imagine, to grow without constantly carrying the weight of the world on his little shoulders. I won’t rush him into manhood. The world will do that soon enough.

But when the time comes, I hope he steps into it with kindness, confidence, and an unwavering sense of who he is. Because raising a son as a woman in America isn’t just about protecting him—it’s about preparing him to be the kind of man this world desperately needs.